How can I find peace in the midst of chaos: time of uncertainty, screaming for attention children, uncomfortable body sensations?
Coming back to presence through breathing, discerning fact and story and reminding myself that all events are neutral, only my interpretaions of them create my experience are the practice that comes to mind. What is my story? What are my attachments to the story? Examining these attachments and looking for a root cause. What are they showing me? Can I let this one go now? Committing for myself to change my story to re-align myself to a deeper peace and truth of who I am.
My daughter did not start working on her homework until 4pm yesterday. From morning till then she had been trying really hard to start studying but distracted herself in various ways: crying, pitying herself, filling her stomach with food, getting a headache. Studying consciousness for a few years now, I understand she is reflecting back to me an aspect of myself and I clearly see the same patterns in me when it comes to committing to my purpose.
I look at her struggle with compassion and dismay, with anger and fear, with love and understanding all at the same time, layered on top of each other like a layered cake.
My story is that I am not a good mother, reacting to my child’s struggle, barely controlling my emotions and walking away from her to find a moment alone. Separating fact from story lets me see my fear more clearly. Hugging my shoulders and shaking my body vigorously, feeling the fear feels good, feels energizing! Once the shaking subsides, I ask the question: What is my fear about? What am I scared of? The thought comes in: “What-if I can’t fulfil my mission?”, “What if I fail?”. A light-hearted laughter enters upon realization: Do you think it is up to your little ego self to be in charge of your mission? Open up to a Greater Power and Trust!